This could be important...

As I sit here blinking owlishly at my cup of coffee reminding myself that it can do nothing to aid in the waking process if I do not drink it (I am too tired even to do that) I am once again struck by the realization that I do not tolerate fatigue well. In just the last hour the thought that I could over dose on several things I have in my apartment has flitted through my head not once, but two(three?) times (in what is not so much a desire to die but a very borderline -read:unreasonable- reaction to having once again been forgotten/'dropped/or simply ignored). What is more it seems likely that, exhausted as I am I am exponentially more likely to go through with such a rash action (which would land me in the ER -and quite possibly in a psych ward this time- if the little bit of caffeine I have consumed wakes my brain up enough to realize the foolishness -not to mention selfishness what with my Uncle so recently dead- of said rash action).

This could very well be something important to note, not to mention to share with whatever professional cares to know (and at this point it seems that only my doctor might be interested in such a revelation -being overly tired also makes me more impatient and less likely to utilize the 'filter' that I have for such comments-). What to do about it, however, may not be as simple a matter. Surely a sleep aid would allow me to get the rest I need but sleeping pills and such are popular medications to use when overdosing (I have not done so myself, more likely than not simply because I have not had any to overdose with and so have had to use what I had available).

The bright side of this fatigue, at this minute anyway, is that I am not sure I am awake enough even to take the pills necessary to overdose (remember, I have not even finished half a cup of coffee for the simple reason that I seem to be unable to do no more than stare at it)... how I managed this post, I have no idea (except that I feel it could be important and I remember things better when they are written down somewhere I can go back to later).

We shall see...