Just now. It was a cut I started last night. It's actually over an old scar. And old scar over a vein that bleeds well when nicked. Actually last time it bleed too well and I had to get it stitched. But tonight it seems under control.
So why did I intentionally cut so that I could nick a vein? Mmm, I'm not going to get too introspective on that one. Mostly because I already have and the answer... way too borderline for this Reluctant Borderline. So we'll just leave it at that. I cut, I nicked a vein, and I watched it bleed. And the small part of me that is still open to feeling experienced both some sort of satisfaction from the various aspects of it all (watching it pool on my wrist, feeling it roll off my arm, watching it drip...). I think... it's hard to tell, sometimes... sometimes I believe that most 'feelings' I experience are actually just some sort of knowledge... *shakes head* it's hard to explain... anyway that they are not actual feelings... Anyway, another small part of me wanted to do more. Not to die (Lord, I couldn't do that to my family even before my Uncles funeral, for heaven sake!)... *shakes head* I'll not take that thought further.
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