Why

They always want to know why you've hurt yourself. At the very least they want to know why. And today with my second set of stitches in three days my doctor asked if there was anything specific I wanted to talk to him about as to 'why'. He's such a nice guy and I know he genuinely cares... I feel rather badly about give him the same old 'Oh, so many different things' answer that really tells him nothing at all. But the problem is they're all so stupid. I suppose that only matters so much (if it matters at all) since, stupid or not, they still land me in the ER (Sunday evening) or the doctors office (today).

I've got to make myself tell these people 'why'. Even if it is stupid. *shakes head* I've just got to figure out how to get it out...

Proof You Have An Eating Disorder # 17

You are not only critical of your own weight and appearance ( regarding appearance, how heavy you look in addition to what the scale says) as well as that of those around you (everyone, really), you notice you are now critical of the 'over generous' curves of your character on a Facebook game (which are probably not that over generous to begin with).

*shakes head* God help me.

Please

It's a word I've carved on my body several times before, in several different places. It usually means the same thing each time, though what that is I cannot say for sure.

Please.

Please, make it stop.

Please, I do not want to feel this way any longer.

Please, I would like these thoughts/urges to go away.

Please.

Yesterday and today I have been bombarded with an abnormal number of suicide related thoughts (abnormal for me anyway). Overdose. Slit my wrists. These thoughts are not uncommon for me. Most days one or the other (or both) will flit through my mind at least once. But today they come with something else. A longing. I feel so Awful. Today I am longing to give in, if only to make it stop. What makes it that much worse is that I cannot. I want it desperately, but I cannot.

Please.

Please make it stop.

Or else please, let me go.