I'd like to be done (I am done, really, I just cannot bring myself to do anything about it). That way it doesn't matter that there are student loans to be paid (something I cannot do since I have no money). Doesn't matter that I need information so that I can apply for social security (because the state doesn't want to have to deal with me). Doesn't matter that the powers that be at social security will tell me no (a stressor that I really don't need as my last overdose hase proven that I don't take being told that I'm full of $&!% -a rejection for services- well). Doesn't matter that I am having coffee with my dad in an hour and a half. Doesn't matter that my sister, brother-in-law, niece and nephew will be here in the wee hours of the morning. Doesn't matter that I have family to visit. Doesn't matter that all I want to do is go home and die. Because I will be done.
If I could only bring myself to do that to the people who care about me. Because it is not for myself that I stay alive. If I had my way I would be long gone by now.
If they really understood this hell I'm in they would let me go. I am sure of it. They wouldn't ask me to stay and endure this.
You know I pray for God to simply erase me from this earth (if I'm am erased completely then no one will be hurt)... Apparently He doesn't love me enough to do that...
No comments:
Post a Comment