Bad Night

I couldn't sleep, but I couldn't leave my room. In the bathroom sat my razor blade. In the living room, more razor blades (hidden away, just in case) and pills, tablets, capsules perfect for overdosing. Honestly today is not much better but I've managed to behave.

I don't want to be, anymore. I honestly wish that God had never made me. I think it rather unfair of Him, actually. He will not erase me from this world, I've asked, more times than I can count.

I do not want to die... I just don't want to live anymore. And it's so very hard existing this way. Living when you would rather not. Functioning when you would rather shut down. Smiling when you want to cry.

And I find it so unfair that He continues to ask it of me; that everyone asks it of me.