Some Old Poems

These are on my old blog... Most of them are three or four years old but I like them, so I thought I'd share.

For You

I'm dying on the inside, but you can't see
It's O.K.
This act is for you
Every smile
Every laugh
It kills me
But you
Thankfully, you are unaware

Oh, you may notice little differences
My eyes don't hold their sparkle
A smile dies easily on my lips
I do my best to protect you
But it's hard to care for others
When you are dying on the inside

I'll try another day
For you
I'll smileI
'll laugh
As I die just a little bit more

How Smiling can Hurt

It's funny how smiling can hurt
How that simple act can rip into your heart
How one smile can leave you hurting
And Bleeding

To smile
When you hurt on the inside
To laugh
When everything within you is crying out
In pain
And confusion
Is like a secret death
Slow
And painful
And hopeless

The Masks I Wear

I play so many roles
Can you tell
Can you see
What is real

So many in one day
So many people fooled
Then one day I look to find
I've played my part so well
That I am lost

No more can I identify
The feelings that I have
Am I truly happy
Or is it all an act
Do I really laugh
Or am I crying
Beneath this facade

No one can truly know me
Those closest to me
Like others
Are fooled
My true self remains hidden
In the depths
Where even nowI am crying
For I am lost

My Child, My Beloved

My Child, My Beloved
Daily I have watched you
I have heard your laughter
And seen your beautiful smile
I have heard your singing
And witnessed your kindness
I have basked in the glow of your happiness
And treasured the joy you have shown in My creation
I have watched you grow
And delighted in the treasure I made in you

But with the joy and laughter
Have come sorrows

Dear Child, My Beloved
I have watched you hurt
And witnessed your anguish
I have longed to gather you in My arms
And hold you as you weep
I have whispered My love to you
And cried as you have cried
My heart has ached
And My own tears have fallen
As you once again reach for the Blade
Praying the relief will last
Knowing that it will not
And once again you do not cry out
For the healing and comfort I long to give

My child, My Beloved
Know this
I Am your Rescuer
I Am your Redeemer
I Am your Comfort
I Am your Peace
I Am your Father
And I will always love you

The Choice

To give up would be so easy
To give in to the images
To hand control over to the urges
To heed the thoughts that spin in my head
To depart

To continue on would be taxing
To push forward through the pain
To advance, heedless of the pull to surrender
To persist in spite of seemingly overwhelming odds
To linger

The choice
To forsake this earthly body
Or to tarry a moment longer, hoping for a better tomorrow