For the Love of All That is Good!

Just be thankful, be happy! Surely it is not that hard?

I am thankful, really. I am thankful, albeit a little puzzled, at how hard some folks at Comprehensive have been working to see that I get some assistance since my OD a week ago (yeah, y'all didn't know about that, sorry *blush*). Just this morning one of them called the Powers That Be and learned that I have been approved for DL benefits (what I have been describing as sort of a temporary disability). This is good news, for heaven sake, and yet when I hung the phone up I burst in to tears. And not happy, thankful tears either. Tears because, good news or not, this is another change. Tears because while it is good it is not exactly what was (is) wanted. Tears because it means more waiting, more wondering, more worrying. It means starting one 'program' of sorts (I guess) now (because even that which was not hoped for is still better than nothing) but still hoping the other funding will come through because that will allow for that which was preferred (which would allow for DBT) which will mean another change.

I'm starting to feel like I'm at sea in a perfect storm (seen the movie? If you haven't you should because it's great... be aware, though, it made me cry and I really don't succumb to tears as often as it sounds)... a boat tossed from one wave to another. Add to that it means changing who I will be working with... it's not that the two aren't nice, in fact they are both very nice. But one of them ticked me off when be made it sound that along with all the other WONDERFUL traits that folks with BPD share another one, in his opinion, was narcissism. And the other one's cute and my age to boot *blush* Oops. That's not exactly helpful either *shakes head at self*

You know, I'd really like a good cry but having managed to stop myself (really before any real crying happened, if you want the honest truth) I don't think I can start up again... I will write now, as I would sign, and that is 'hate hate hate' *sigh* Pour l'amour du ciel juste être heureux, et cesser d'être aussi stupide. Soyez reconnaissants!