Please

It's a word I've carved on my body several times before, in several different places. It usually means the same thing each time, though what that is I cannot say for sure.

Please.

Please, make it stop.

Please, I do not want to feel this way any longer.

Please, I would like these thoughts/urges to go away.

Please.

Yesterday and today I have been bombarded with an abnormal number of suicide related thoughts (abnormal for me anyway). Overdose. Slit my wrists. These thoughts are not uncommon for me. Most days one or the other (or both) will flit through my mind at least once. But today they come with something else. A longing. I feel so Awful. Today I am longing to give in, if only to make it stop. What makes it that much worse is that I cannot. I want it desperately, but I cannot.

Please.

Please make it stop.

Or else please, let me go.