Normal

Funny, the first entry on my other blog bears this exact same title. This entry will prove to be a bit more sedate, I think, and less verbose. You see I don't write the same any more. If I am to be honest I will admit that I am not so sure I can write any more at least, not well. Still, why not? People will either read or they won't, and that's fine. But maybe, at the very least, I will get something out of the process.

So, back to Normal. The topic came up yesterday at what I can only call a 'follow up' appointment. I'm in a bit of a holding pattern, you see. Three emergency room visits and a few discussions with as many community mental health professionals later I am now waiting to see if I can get some help getting some help (sort of a short term social security, for lack of a better way to explain, and I've already been denied once but the people at mental health seem to think my chances are better now... if only I shared their optimism). And in the mean time I've had two of four 'crisis appointments' with a very nice woman who is neither a counselor nor a therapist and I'm not exactly sure what it is we are supposed to be doing (it's entirely possible that the whole goal is just to get me face to face with someone who can judge whether or not they need to worry I might kill myself in the near future). But again, I digress (good lord, the main body of this entry isn't going to be as long as this introduction or whatever it is).

Normal. I was asked if I could remember a time I had been happy to be alive. I thought for a moment and then smiled as I remembered Normal. Now since normal is subjective, as I am sure we all know, she predictably asked what normal is like for me. Unfortunately all I could do was again smile at the memory and tell her that Normal 'is good'. I suppose that is a bit of an understatement. Normal is VERY good and this entry is my attempt to clarify a bit more, if only for myself, what Normal is.

So here goes.

Normal is good. With Normal life is good. There is hope, with Normal, but you don't notice it because there is no need, if you understand me. People rarely think of hope unless they need to. Unless there is some question as to whether or not that hope actually exists. With Normal those small little things don't really get you down. You might worry but it doesn't consume you and it very rarely sticks around too long. Normal... well, Normal is just good. I really cannot explain it any better than that. The memory of Normal brings a smile to my face one that unfortunately leaves all too quickly as I recall how long it has been since Normal has visited... and as I begin to despair that it will never come calling again.